Sry I called you an 8
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
