you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
