yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
