I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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