We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
