We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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