I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize