dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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