I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
