I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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