cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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