I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
