also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the condom got lost in my hair
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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