The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
