doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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