6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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