Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
