i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
