someone owes me an orgasm
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
