so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i came on her dog
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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