I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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