why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
