im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
