The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
