How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
