i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
