My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
