I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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