I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
