Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
