if you like me you must not know who I am
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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