I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
