Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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