So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize