Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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