I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize