I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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