I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
