I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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