Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
