his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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