apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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