There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
