I got chris browned last night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
