dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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