Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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