Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
