Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
