I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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