I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
that's an acceptable place to lick
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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