Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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