Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
