You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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