You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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