I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
