WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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