how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
