i need an iv and a liver transplant
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
