my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
