woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
