Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
