doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
