just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
