maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
