Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
