Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize