I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
