Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
