We named our party play list daddy issues
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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