He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
accomplished twins. life is a go
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
