I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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